I’m Sharing My Writing Again

Why I Stopped Writing — and Why I’m Starting Again (hello blog, it’s been awhile…)

Back in 2018, I started sharing my writing at paulkhosla.com.

Like many of you, it wasn’t easy to overcome the inner critic and click “publish” on my blog. But with the Lord’s grace and some encouragement, I got there.

To my amazement, people started to read it.

The readership was never enormous, but that has never made much difference to me. I want to write the way I preach, and the way I led worship before that: whether there is no one in the room, one person in the room, or one hundred, the number has never been the point. What matters is offering my best.

Over time, the readership began to grow. Nothing huge — we were talking a few hundred unique visitors a month — but I was amazed at what the Lord was doing. It felt like another example of His faithfulness to me over the course of ministry.

A year later, the readership grew by ten times. Still nothing to write home about by online standards, but I was deeply honoured. And then, in 2021, just as I was on the edge of another significant milestone in readership, I quietly stopped writing.

I didn’t stop because I thought I should.

I didn’t stop out of obedience to the Lord. Actually, the opposite is true.

I didn’t stop because no one supported me. My wife, family, and friends in ministry did support and encourage me.

I stopped because I was emotionally knocked off course by a comment made in direct response to something I had written. A friend from a long time back directly challenged my post publically. And now, I’m sure you’re wondering what it was.

I’ll tell you.

During the pandemic, I noticed pastors and churches sharing video from their gatherings. In many ways, that was encouraging. Ministry was still happening. Churches were still finding ways to gather, worship, preach, and serve. But I also noticed something else. Some were sharing attendance numbers in ways that seemed to suggest that the clearest sign of God’s activity was the number of people in the room.

My post — which you can read here — drew attention to that behaviour and encouraged us to be careful. I wasn’t trying to say numbers don’t matter. I was trying to say numbers are not the only thing that matters, and they should not become the primary way we measure whether God is moving.

The comment came publicly rather than privately. The response was essentially: we do it, we won’t stop doing it, and we won’t apologize for it. I expected that somewhere along the way someone wouldn’t like what I had to say. I expected that might even lead to healthy discussion or respectful debate.

This was not that.

I don’t know exactly what hit me, other than insecurity in a massive way. Since then, I have come up with every excuse to justify not writing. I’ve picked up other creative hobbies. I’ve told myself I’m too busy. I’ve found reasons to delay.

But underneath it all, I think my low confidence in my abilities made me afraid that I was wrong.Fast forward to now. Five years later — more years than I had the blog before — I am beginning to write again.

Hopefully this is useful for someone: don’t let other people talk you out of sharing your art.

don’t let other people talk you out of sharing your art

Whether it is writing, painting, singing, preaching, creating, or something completely different, your gift matters. Not everyone will understand it. Not everyone will receive it. Some may even criticize it.

But that does not mean you should bury it.

It has taken a number of years, but I have found my confidence again. Part of that has come through serving as lead pastor for the last five years and watching the Lord help our church grow in ways I could not have manufactured. I’ve had to admit something I sometimes struggled to believe: by God’s grace, I do know what I’m doing more than I was willing to admit to myself.

That is not pride. It is recognition. It is learning to receive the grace, experience, and calling God has actually given.

A couple of months ago, I received an email from one of you. It included thoughtful, contemplative questions and genuine encouragement about something I had written.

And it made me wonder:

How can I let the hurtful comment of one person keep me from having a positive influence on someone else who is riding shotgun with me on the journey?

A few weeks later, a request to share something I wrote at a pastors’ gathering came through my blog. Then came an invitation to speak at a gathering of pastors.

I was reminded that what I write matters.

So, all that to say: I’m back.

And I’m praying I will remain consistent and obedient to God’s call, whether anyone reads or not.

Maybe there is something you have let dry up, and there is no clear way back to it. Or maybe you haven’t even started yet. In either case, I hope my experience strengthens you and reminds you that your art, your ministry, your service is making a difference.

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Paul